Recalibration

This weekend was spent in peace and quiet, which left me a lot of time for self-reflection. It’s a pretty interesting personal phenomena…I’ve been thinking of all my current dabblings and although I am very proud of them, I realize that there is nothing from them that fully fulfills me. I hunger for more…for something that defines me.

Currently, I podcast with Fuya Radio and I write occassionally for local publications and I paint. All of these are fun, but they’re not something I can fully capitalize on. These are all parts that make up the whole of me. Yet I desire something deeper…something life consuming that will define and ignite my life.

My life ambitions started when I was 16 years old; I knew then that I wanted to have access to forbidden knowledge and given my time as an NJROTC cadet, I wanted to join the Navy as an Intelligence Officer. However, after two ACL surgeries and one pregancy later, that dream became obsolete.

I originally attended UTEP in hopes of obtaining a degree as a Microbiologist. At the time, I wanted to become a stem cell researcher in Los Alamos, NM. However, mathematics was my downfall and my spirit was easily broken. If I could conguer that debilitating subject, I would continue to trudge along and make that dream a reality.

Since that time, I feel as if I have been floating, trying to discover what my path in life might be, but I ask myself ‘where I will feel fulfilled?’ I’ve been lying in bed these last few nights really thinking about my future. I am 25 years old and although I am young, I want to set the course now for what will be my life’s work.

It’s high time that I take the steps to define my life, whittle out the dabblings and commit to something concrete. I would like to return to school; as it stands right now, I am a Philosophy major. I’m often met with looks of confusion, followed by ‘what are you going to do with THAT?!’

I originally thought that perhaps I would pursue a professorship since I am not a fan of teaching to younger folks. I think perhaps a professorship might still be ideal for me, but maybe in a different subject that suits me more ideally: neurotheology or religious sciences.

Painting and writing will continue to be focus in my life. Instead of spreading my attention over different publications, I’d like to move forward with my novel and continue to write for the El Paso Times or a publication that would want to hire me full time.

This is where my mentality lies: I want to do something that is unforgettable, not just something contributory.



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