“We are becoming the men we wanted to marry” – Gloria Steinem
I’ve recently begun to accept and enjoy the perks of singlehood. This definitely hasn’t been the norm for me. The last relationship I had was a little over a year ago and it lasted a little over 4 months.
It was the most disastrous relationship I have ever had.
As time has passed, I’ve had dates, companions and ‘gentlemen of note’ meander in and out of my life. I’ve even fallen in love. Nothing has truly fulfilled me. Each experience taught me something new about dating, about humanity or about myself. I’m far from being an expert but here are a few things that I learned along the way that I’d like to share with you:
- Always force yourself to give yourself time to clear your mind from a previous relationship. Don’t jump into something else for at least a few months. If you do, chances are this person is just a ‘rebound’. Once the dust settles, you’ll realize that this person may not be the one for you.
- Don’t settle. Comfort can be a sneaky thing. People long to be loved, even if it’s really an illusion. It should be that you’re looking for Mr. Right, NOT Mr. Right Now.
- Never waste your time on someone who doesn’t share the same end goal as you. You’ll end up forcing yourself to believe that this other person wants the same thing that you do and you’ll be in for a rather heart breaking surprise.
- Friends with benefits is never as easy as it seems; someone will always get hurt. The way I see this, I’d much rather have a one-night stand and never see or hear from the person again than to have a faux lover.
I’ve always hated that the idea of belonging to someone. No one ever belongs to anyone. I don’t care what the argument is, we should all strive to belong to ourselves and share with others the life that we’ve created. That’s what I believe.
In a way, I’ve realized this as the biggest perk of singledom. I am creating an ecosystem; my own little world full of goals, experiences, passions, successes and adventures. I am getting to love the person I am and who I have become more than ever. I love that I work hard and I’m slowly accepting my curves. I love my personality and my quirks.
I’d like women to consider the fact that they don’t have to wait for this magical relationship to appear, that they can in a way, cultivate that for themselves. In a way that is deeply selfish in the best way.